This week, for a variety of reasons, I’ve been in a bit of a funk. To help remedy the situation, I keep a shelf of books close to hand for situations like this. It’s a growing collection of uplifting, daft poetry. So, this week’s links are dedicated to a few of my favourites poets, their beautifully wired brains and wonderful words. This may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but hopefully might raise a smile at the end of a long week.
1. Love this by William Carlos Williams (below), 1883-1963
If I when my wife is sleeping
and the baby and Kathleen
are sleeping
and the sun is a flame-white disc
in silken mists
above shining trees,—
if I in my north room
dance naked, grotesquely
before my mirror
waving my shirt round my head
and singing softly to myself:
“I am lonely, lonely.
I was born to be lonely,
I am best so!”
If I admire my arms, my face,
my shoulders, flanks, buttocks
against the yellow drawn shades,—
Who shall say I am not
the happy genius of my household?
2. Tim Key’s new book, Chapters, recently came out. “Tim Key got ants in his pants and has written an anthology of poetry. It is his least ambitious project to date. A slim book of the crap he’s been churning out over the past eighteen months. Poems about men getting stuck in webs, poems about the ancient city of Canterbury, poems about canoodling with a rose.” Here’s one such example…
3. Brian Bilston. I first came across his superb poems back in 2016 when Twitter was a much nicer place. He then crowdfunded his first book via Unbound. “Brian Bilston is a poet who knows it. He writes about the human condition, relationships and buses.”
4. 'Ten Rules for Aspiring Poets' by Brian Bilston
i. Poetry does not have to rhyme.
Well, at least not all the time always.
ii. Metaphors can lend a poem power
(although mixing them isn’t good).
Should they start to fly in all directions,
nip them in the bud.
iii. Focus and concentration
are important skills to hone.
Close the door. Turn off the wi-fi.
Don’t get distracted by your ph
iv. Avoid clichés like the plague.
v. Don’t write stuff that’s a bit vague.
vi. The use of unnecessarily long words
may result in reader alienation.
Curb your sesquipedalianism.
Obviate all obfuscation.
vii. Always proof-read you’re work.
Accuracy can be it’s own reward!
And remember that the penis
mightier than the sword.
viii. Check haiku closely
for lines which have too few
or too many syllables.
xi. Never ever follow rules.
5. My Heart Will Not Be Hushed, by Henry Normal
I fell for a librarian
and asked her to be mine
I said, ‘My love for you
Is overdue’
And she said, ‘Fine.’
6. The wonderful John Hegley
7. One of my favourite John Hegley poems…
"A Poem About The Town Of My Upbringing And The Conflict Between My Working Class Origins And The Middle Class Status Conferred Upon Me By A University Education.”
“I remember Luton
As I’m swallowing my crouton.”
8. 'Funeral Shoes (Stop all the Crocs)' by Brian Bilston
Stop all the Crocs, cut out these foam clogs,
Don’t let your footwear go to the dogs,
Silence the pavements from the Crocs’ fearsome slap,
Bring out the dustbin, put your Crocs into that.
Let the easyJets gather and circle in glee
To write on the sky the words CROC: R.I.P.
Organise parties and grand cavalcades,
Host dinners, bake cakes, throw victory parades.
He was her North, her South, her West and East,
Her Mini-Milk, her Fab, her Chocolate Feast.
But such thoughts were all packed away in a box,
From the moment she saw him wearing Crocs.
Crocs are passé now: discard all your pairs;
Lob them onto the waves, recite a prayer.
Watch them drift out to where sea and sky meet,
And beg for forgiveness from your poor feet.
9. 'Mrs Icarus’ by Carol Ann Duffy
I’m not the first or the last
to stand on a hillock,
watching the man she married
prove to the world
he’s a total, utter, absolute, Grade A pillock.
10. Last, a rather appropriate one, from one of my heroes…the great punk poet laureate John Cooper-Clarke:
I’ve Fallen in Love with my Wife
The doorbell used to say ding dong, but now it breaks out into song
If I’m forlorn it ain’t for long, could I be wrong or have I -
Fallen in love with my wife?
Fare thee well my fairy fey, we cared so slightly anyway
Call me Krazy with a Kapital K - I’ve fallen in love with my wife
I’ve fallen in love with my wife, she populates my days
With marital breakdowns running rife, I have to keep her under my gaze
If you love somebody - set them free, that don’t make no sense to me
I’m keeping her under lock and key - I’ve fallen in love with my wife
Rainbows and butterflies, occupy the summer skies
Imagine my surprise - I’ve fallen in love with my wife
Every time I talk I mumble, every time I walk I stumble
I’m dancing like a drunken uncle - I’ve fallen in love with my wife
I’ve fallen in love with my wife, she populates my days
She’s not that far from a carving knife - I have to keep her in my gaze
I don’t swear but what the hey, I’m all right and she’s OK
Get out of our f***ing way - I’ve fallen in love with my wife
I’m her fella, she’s my mate, she steals the chips right off my plate
No wonder I’m losing weight - I’ve fallen in love with my wife
I steal a kiss, she takes the piss, we lived a life of ignorant bliss
All that and now this - I’ve fallen in love with my wife.
by John Cooper Clarke
Have a great weekend, Matt